It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter.
I decided to elope with my new girlfriend Tamara. We wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mum.
I've found real passion with Tamara and she is so lovely - even with her nose piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the joy Dad, she's pregnant and Tamara said that we will be very happy.
Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than me, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Tamara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone, and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for HIV so that Tamara can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren
Your ever loving son,
PS: Don't worry Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the next door's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my end of year school report which is in the centre drawer of my desk. I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.