Memoir of SPM...

SPM

So much did i think of those who are now...struggling and striving on their luck...i recall way back in 1977
Yes...that was the year when i sit for my SPM...
It was not a pleasant memoir to recall though...
It wasn't my best year...but this is the year... greatest affected my entire life...or shall i say put me into my recent career!
Having a very bad health on that year...i suffered severe coughing that put me in a difficult and unfit situation ...yet i was facing my SPM.
I didn't do much to my problem...only with common cough syrup...that did not seem much help...
I remember telling it to my basketball coach as i was the college player at that time...
I complaint that i often get tired easily during practiced...not knowing that the cough was the cause to my tiredness and gasping my way out for air...after minutes of playing...
My parents didnt know it...as they were so preoccupied with their own problems...
I still recall how i continuously was coughing during my English paper II...that i almost could not continue writing ...could not really concentrate on the paper...several times i felt so blank...and stuck ...i almost cried!
Felt so ashamed too..as i was making so much noise...
Only Allah knows how i felt at that moment...
I was in that situation..up until SPM was over...
In fact it gotten worst.

Apart from being so sick...I was actually succumbing with another ' huge stone' over my head...
and it happened long before SPM!
Its my parents...civil war was about to blast off...
i remember sneaking out of school...or rather college as we all recognized it...just to see my mum...eagerly wanting to know if she was okay...
and how i cried so much every time i met her...
i guess that was the saddest moment of my whole life episodes...
then... before i could finish my exam...i received a register letter...
Guess what!
It was from my mum...telling that she had already moved to my grandfather's house...in kampung.
What more could i hope...for a girl as timid as i am...hopeless and confused...
yet i had to finish up my exam...no matter how broken- hearted i was...
At one week at end of my SPM...i took a bus to meet my mum and the rest of my siblings at Atuk's house...only to find a much more painful sight...
i rather not tell ...as it only makes me regret every bit of my ever born in this cruel life...
Well that was what i felt at that time...
i returned to college to continue my exam...finished it somehow.
The following year was not as pleasant either...for me ..and for my mum...
My parents were divorced...
and i had to undergo treatment and hospitalized!

When the result came out...Syukur i made it. i passed all subjects...but i was not so pleased with the result.
It was okay but not good enough for me to pursue my ambition...
i felt...I could have made better.
At first the frustating feeling was devastating and tormenting...
All my hope was torn ... ripped off and shattered to pieces...
Being an MRSM's student...
I felt that i was a true failure...
I was excellent in my SRP...and was doing ok in the coming year...
but SPM...
Knowing that most of my friends made it...
Miserable...
Felt so down and depressed...i shutt almost every doors to all my friend's calls...for quite a long time...
but somehow... had to make my own move...and so i did
I was not the type of an outgoing girl actually...for i was in boarding school...
but somehow...
Life taught me to stand on my own two feet...
I was on my own...
walked up and down from stairs to another...gambling my faith...and luck...
I was offered a course in ITM(d' only Tertiary Institution available besides UM at that time)...but had to turn it down...coz i can't afford to go...

So my other choice was The teaching course...in JB...Which didn't cost me much.
I accepted it ...and so that's it...
This is the livelihood that was set By Allah for me...
I accept it with greatest Syukur!